+ 1 cult leader

[jackhole]

alternatively: this or this

HEY Y'ALL. squee here!! though i'm pretty sure i know mmmmost of you already! and i'm here with rhys from tales from the borderlands who is a high strung piece of shit corporate stooge that gets irritated at the drop of a hat over anything. everything. a strong breeze. he yells a lot to cover up the fact he's a giant weenie who cries over friendship and has crushes on like, everyone ever. he's also a backstabbing piece of shit capitalist! don't trust him!

exceeeeept he's also from post-game and while i won't bore you with spoilers (they're full of murder), the high strungness has settled into a chipper smugness and he's kind of mellowed out. nice new suit, nice new haircut, it's great! he's really happy now.

which is why, of course, it's time to make him miserable again. punch him in the face, please! a lot!

lookin' forward to the murdere and feel free to add me over on plurk at claptrap for the duration of the game!

Comments

[hatslinger]

and rhys's horror dating sim begins

[jackhole]

he's not ready

[antagonize]

okay but can jason steal all of rhys's money after he dies in a tragic(?) asphyxiation accident

[jackhole]

IF YOU CAN FIND IT FIRST, TODD

and it was super tragic okay wtf

[antagonize]

HE'S A DETECTIVE HE'S GOT THIS

and sure it was*..........!!

(*no it wasnt)

[jackhole]

MORE LIKE DEFECTIVE

that's rude, you're already dead why are you even here

[jackhole]

also deadtective too. i totally just thought of that one after i posted the comment.

[socloverit]

BEANPOLE VS SHORT STUFF ROUND INFINITY FOREVER

[jackhole]

i like how we both canon updated them to their new edgy looks and they're still going to devolve into madness

i feel it

in my bones

[socloverit]

maybe they have matured enough to actually do something vaguely resembling getting along, maybe they'll be the murdergame what not to wear team we almost had

or maybe clover will use her new secret agent training to like ACTUALLY fight him and just make things like five times worse than last time like right off the bat who knows

(we know, they're doomed and we know it)

[jackhole]

i'm pretty sure it's that second option and rhys doesn't even have his baton to defend himself with this time

but hey, now they're not neighbors? CAN YOU LEAVE HIS DOOR ALONE THIS TIME, CLOVER? JUST... LET HIM HAVE A DOOR FOR ONCE

[fourleafcleaver]

SHE ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO SHOULDER CHECK A DOOR IN THE RIGHT WAY THIS TIME THOUGH LIKE A PRO here's where your tax dollars are going

she's actually way more chill in vlr and her babysitter is here we might be okay...for longer than we were before............

[jackhole]

haha rhys paying taxes, that's funny

BUT WE WILL... I BELIEVE IN US. rhys is also way more chill (sort of) and he has his babysitter too. will this be the start of something amazing?? probably not.

[muties]

roxy is ready to kinkshame rhys again, this time in spaaaaace

[jackhole]

it's like the sequel no one asked for but everyone got and still enjoyed thoroughly anyway

seriously though i'm so excited for roxy and rhys 2.0 -- and this time rhys can actually be nice to her in public!

[bloodteller]

hi, squee! I SEE YOU BEAT ME TO ADDING YOU HAHAHA i'll concede defeat this time

but it's nice to meet you! i'm really pumped up for rhys, HIS APP WAS SO GREAT, and while i'm canonblind, i already love him and can't wait to see him around in game... he's going to be fun to pick on. i can feel it. i can FEEL it

[jackhole]

HI XANDER look i was ready. i was waiting. I WAS PUMPED.

same though!! i'm really looking forward to this and seeing what you and coco have in store for us. wreck me, friend. wreck me!! I'M GLAD YOU LIKED HIS APP TOO. rhys is a loser of the highest caliber and i love to make him suffer for it.

[bloodteller]

you wanna be wrecked? you do? YOU DO?

chapel's closed
forever

[jackhole]

GOOD BECAUSE I'M READY TO SIN

[brainsqueeze]

LONG SUFFERING SIGH

[jackhole]

oh come on, maria. he's not that bad!

(he is that bad)

[brainsqueeze]

she doesn't believe you rhys

[jackhole]

that's fair

[brainsqueeze]

this is going to be great

[refactor]

hey cupcake guess who has some fancy new hands to test out

which sounds real gay but might as well start off on a strong foot for making their unit mates hate them for being obnoxious

[jackhole]

rhys wants a divorce. again.

... their unit is so fucked

[refactor]

what the fuck man right after he just opened up to you!!!! ugh time to mash betray

so, yeah

[jackhole]

rhys casually becomes handsome jack stan #1 again. regrets his life choices immediately.

[refactor]

how could you regret anything with jack involved? literally incomprehensible to him

[666_blaze_it]

Hello! I freaking loved TFTB and am now very slowly plodding my way through Borderlands 2 because of it.

[jackhole]

ONE OF US ONE OF US

seriously though, borderlands is a GREAT canon and i'm happy it dragged you in like the rest of us :') I HOPE TO AMUSE YOU JUST AS GREATLY AS THE GAME DID

[deformity]

rhys please yessssss

ADMITTEDLY, I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GAME but I already love him... I hope that's good enough...!!

[jackhole]

IT'S TOTES FINE WITH ME just lmk if you want to avoid spoilers though... that might be a little hard. BUT I WILL DO MY BEST. :')

LOOKING FORWARD TO THREADING

[deformity]

o no, don't worry about spoilers o/ I'll finish the game eventually! and then I'll cry to you about how much I love it and and and Rhys and Fiona and that bucket of poop called Jack

[jackhole]

you're talking my language there, bub. and that language is borderlands suffering.